I have demons in me.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
