How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
