Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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