thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
