I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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