Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
