we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
