so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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