She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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