when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Randomize
