at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
