dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
