I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
