Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
