I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
