My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
