Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
