The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
