It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
