i just had sex bonerless
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
if only i could text you this smell
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
a search helicopter?!
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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