you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
