I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
