he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
