she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
