Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
