I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
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