she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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