I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
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So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
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I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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