I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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