He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
whose parrot is this?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
