You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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