every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
