I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
