On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
