Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
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