you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
