i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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