pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
