oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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