ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
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