I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
