My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
