it's too hot outside to masturbate.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
