the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I could have mohawked her pubes.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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