chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Is Oprah even human
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
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