You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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