Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
And my parents said I crawled through the house
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
