If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
