i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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