He asked me if I "almost moaned"
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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