When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
