sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize