last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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