I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
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Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
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Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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