If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I party with great urgency now.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
