She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
