Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
This house was built for laser tag.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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