just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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