well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
