what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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