his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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