The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
