My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
