Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
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