I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
