Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
