just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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