If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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