Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
