you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
