In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
